1. Saw my brother kiss another man for comedy.
  2. Though slightly disturbing with my mother sitting next to me, it was pretty hilarious.
  3. Watched this guy break the world record for most rubber bands put on a human head in 1-minute. It now stands at 57.
  4. Thanks to the gymnastics performance upstairs, woke up at 9:00a.
  5. Considered what it would take to purchase Ritalin and sneak it into the morning treat for the three little kids upstairs.
  6. Watched a skit with the punchline: “What? You’ve never seen a retard count his buttons?”
  7. Helped create the best burger ever. A key ingredient was spilling part of the New Castle Brown Ale I was drinking into the meat.
  8. Should have attributed the fantastic flavor to the Meth I cooked in with the ground chuck.
  9. Dreamed that Raggedy Ann and Andy were on an episode of Maury titled “My Fear of Mustard and Pickles Is Ruing My Life.”
  10. “I’m a very pretty lady!”