It’s always fun to listen to the discussions of people around you. The conversations overheard by lurking ears can lead to massive amounts of laughter or careful self-examination of ones own flaws. Either way, the experience becomes quite memorable.

This post, while funny, should provide a community service. What I gathered from the exchange happening in the land-I-could-not-see appeared to be a first date. A blind date, in fact. Therefore, I was torn in this particular situation. Should I have swooped in to save the woman who had fallen victim to this man’s pain, should I have distracted the woman and given the man some pointers, or should I have faked choking on my “Bob’s Texas Roll” to distract the man so the young lady could make a quick escape? I will never know the answer, but I know that you can learn valuable lessons from the man who so utterly failed.

In the case of this story, laughter is the only reaction to the words my ears heard while eavesdropping on the couple sitting across the divider from me. Here’s what I picked up.

• Separated since Sept. 5 (2006)
• Legally separated since April 5 (2007)
• “Everyone at work is so happy I’m going on this date”
• “I’m an alcoholic, but I’ve been sober for 5 years”
• Something about a full-body cast

The man had gone almost a year without a “relationship” with his wife. I put “relationship” in quotation marks because things could not have been going that well, considering she was cheating on him. While trying to enjoy my spicy tuna roll, which is an easy task, I had to refrain from allowing rice and seaweed to evacuated themselves through my sinuses as the man’s tragic story was poured out (all in the first 30 minutes of meeting a COMPLETE STRANGER).

It’s never good to begin a story by stating, “well we’ve only been legally separated for a few months, but it’s been over for about a year.” He continues to ramble on talking about the differences and issues that pulled he and his wife apart. Mainly that she was boinking another man. His story, thus far, would not be described as eloquent or charming by even a second grader who had just learned the words and did not yet grasp the definition or connotation of such descriptive adjectives.

As if his opening line wasn’t bad enough to send most women off to “powder their nose” (or sniff some powder into it), he then proceeded to say something you should never follow up with the I’m-laughing-at-this-to-make-you-feel-better-about-me-being-a-very-odd-and-damnaged-individual laugh. I don’t care how clever it sounds in your head, how it worked for that guy in that one movie, or if you’re being mauled by a bear. Never, ever, say, “everyone at work is so happy I’m going out on this date.” Also, full-disclosure is a key to most friendships and relationships, but throwing out their your sobriety accomplishments is not going to make her want to hop in bed with you any faster.

And lastly, I was only able to pick up bits and pieces of the final point of his evening out- if you mention something about the break-up happening while you or your soon-to-be-ex-wife were wrapped in a full-body cast, you need to tell the story a lot louder so all of us can hear.

Wow, I know that was a lot. But hopefully these tips will keep you from making the same mistakes this poor individual did, and if you’re stuck across from him you now know that I’m willing to sacrifice a Bob’s Texas roll for your well-being.

Vice President Dick Cheney will be speaking in Indianapolis later this week. Of course there’s a lot of activity happening here as Metro Police and the Secret Service prepare for his visit.

Vice President Dick Cheney is scheduled to speak before the Indiana American Legion in Indianapolis on Thursday… Cheney is expected to address the war on terror in his Indianapolis speech, but details were not immediately released.
Link: TheIndyChannel.com

Aside from security around the Indiana War Memorial the Vice President has made a peculiar request.

At least now the President will know where Indiana is, and more importantly that it is in the United States.

I’ll admit, I’m addicted to Facebook. Here is why it’s okay:
It was around while I was in college.
I’ve had the account since I was in college.
I don’t go around talking about “The Face Book” like those silly news reporters.
I’m not a sex offender.

I’ve played the trivia, given gifts, been poked, told people where I want to go, and posted comments (that were hilarious while drinking and completely awful once read sober). I’ve cleared out my “mini-feed” and learned what I don’t want published on the site. I have even gone as far as to set Facebook to automatically import my postings on SethKeever.com to “My Notes.”

Here’s where the problem comes in. Have you ever read the Terms of Service for Facebook? I mean, really read what you’re signing up for? It’s actually quite interesting the intellectual property rights you are signing over when you write notes, import content, and post photos to the social network.

When you post User Content to the Site, you authorize and direct us to make such copies thereof as we deem necessary in order to facilitate the posting and storage of the User Content on the Site. By posting User Content to any part of the Site, you automatically grant, and you represent and warrant that you have the right to grant, to the Company an irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to use, copy, publicly perform, publicly display, reformat, translate, excerpt (in whole or in part) and distribute such User Content for any purpose on or in connection with the Site or the promotion thereof, to prepare derivative works of, or incorporate into other works, such User Content, and to grant and authorize sublicenses of the foregoing. You may remove your User Content from the Site at any time. If you choose to remove your User Content, the license granted above will automatically expire, however you acknowledge that the Company may retain archived copies of your User Content.

You are literally telling Facebook, “Here, take my shit. Please use it as you see fit.” Now, for the most part, that’s exactly what we want. We want our photos and blogs to reproduced and distributed around the world. In hopes of hitting it big with a blog, so you can make enough money to retire (or buy a single beer on Friday night). Facebook can “use, copy, publicly perform [not sure how one goes about peforming a wall posting, but okay], publicly display, reformat, translate, excerpt (in whole or in part) and distribute [your shit].”
If I was writing a screenplay or working on a business plan (even for class), I definitely would not be sharing it with friends via Facebook, because you are even granting them the right to “prepare derivative works.” So, before you go thinking your blog or some new idea is going to make you wealthy and popular, keep in mind you’ll be sharing your money and fame with whomever has the biggest stake in what used to be the “college-only” social networking site.

It’s amazing I even made it back to Indiana. Now bitching in airports has never really solved any problems, and I personally think the people with over-the-top complaints are there purely for my enjoyment. However, I was more than a little on edge while traveling today. Here’s the Readers’ Digest condensed version.

• 4:30am- Alarm.
• 4:35am- Alarm. Again.
• 6:00am- Crew call at a school I never even knew existed.
• 1:00pm- On-air.
• 4:30pm- Off-air.
• Whoops, around 3:30 a voicemail from United that my 7:50 flight was severely delayed and I had been bumped to US Airways at 6:20.
• 5:00pm- My cell phone reacquires a signal after exiting the production truck and tells me I have the aforementioned voicemail.
• 5:02pm- I hop in the car to make the 30 minute drive to the Richmond airport.
• 5:52pm- Walk from the rental car drop-off to the United desk, where workers are actually shocked I received the message, and showed up.
• 6:00pm- Finally make my way through “additional” security. You’ll learn to recognize it from the “SSS” on your boarding pass.
• 6:20pm- Made my flight. Thought things could only get better.
• 7:10pm- Get to Philadelphia (US Airways) instead of Dulles (United).
• 8:15pm- Begin boarding the plane, only to find out I was actually a stand-by passenger.
• 8:30pm- Watched them close the doors to the jetway.
• 8:35pm- Watched them open the doors to the jetway.
• 8:40pm- Got on board. Was told to sit wherever I wanted.
• 8:41pm- People got on. Told the kid behind me he was in their seat. He told me I was in his seat. Goat rodeo for seats ensues.
• 8:42pm- Got stuck, crammed into a window seat, next to a fat guy who snored so loudly it caused turbulence.

The Fairest: Project to find the prettiest images in the world
This is some of the coolest photography and Photoshop-ery you will ever see. Take a peek.

I’m sitting in Indianapolis International, waiting to board my flight to Cincy (a one hour flight/two hour drive). I look through the sea of people waiting to board planes. Families on the move. WHERE IN THE HELL ARE THEY GOING FRIDAY EVENING?

I understand the road warriors are all heading home after a long week away from their loved ones. The folks dressed in business attire explain themselves; it is just after 5:00, and this is the first flight after the close of business.

Suddenly the answer to my question has dawned on me. Through the sea I notice key clues to why these families are traveling on a weekend that involves no holidays. Cowboy boots. Blue jeans. Cowboy hats. A faint smell of manure. THE BLUE JACKETS! The FFA has invaded the airport, and many of them are heading home.

I find it a humorous coincidence that most are heading to Atlanta.

1. Collected a handful of McDonald’s Monopoly game pieces.
2. Watched a family of 4 collect the game pieces like they actually were food.
3. Thought they might need to rethink their retirement plans.
4. Got [cat meow] money.
5. Found out 3:30am actually happens tomorrow.
6. For dinner ate a steak that would make most vegetarians and animals lovers want to eat an entire head of lettuce.
7. Heard the best quote ever from a camera operator:
   “A retarded monkey could wrap cable better than these utilities you guys found.”
8. Heard the best response to that comment:
   “EIC, can you send the retarded monkeys down to the sideline camera?”
9. Took this route to get from the hotel to Athens, OH. You haven’t lived until you dodge deer while doing 50 MpH at 4:30am.
10. During field hockey our talent (on-air no less) said:
    “Those girls are tough with those big balls!”

Take a look.

As if kids didn’t already hate coming to church. These two kids have to walk in to a Steak N’ Shake full of high schoolers, while wearing white-on-black outfits that match their mother’s. [shutter]. Creepy.