I found this while scouring the Internets, and I think it sums up the time I spent on homework fairly accurately.

Hopefully that much procrastination didn’t hurt me too much. Just kidding. Stay in school.

Well, I’ve ventured outside the Circle City for Thanksgiving weekend. Or at least part of the weekend.

I’ve headed north and east into the urban sprawl of Muncie. Here you can find every fast food chain you want, except for White Castle. And damn, was I looking forward to Slyders for Thanksgiving. If you can make chicken rings, then why can’t you make turkey rings or turkey Slyders. I’d show up. Here’s what I would order:

• 10 turkey Slyders with cheese
• 1 sack of pumpkin pie (this is a deal breaker if they’re out)
•  1 large iced tea

I think that sounds like a terrific Thanksgiving dinner, and it would cost less than $15 and be ready in less than 5 minutes.

But I digress, back to the point at hand. The Keever clan (no, we’re not a real gang) is together for the first time in a few months. The word “clan” makes it sound like a feat or a hate group, but really it’s neither. There are only 4 of us and we don’t own any white sheets.

It’s just like being in school all over again. Mom and dad are up early making breakfast, little brother is still sleeping well past noon and I’m awake and functioning at some point between the others. The turkey’s in the oven, popping and hissing like I’ve never heard a turkey pop and hiss before. It sounds like a campfire, but with bubbles. This year we’re taking a different approach with the turkey by following an Alton Brown recipe. Well, maybe not a recipe, but a guide.

Turkey’s in the oven at 500° for a random period of time. This makes the outside crispy, basically sealing in the juices. Then you turn the heat down to cook the remaining turkey. Apparently, the reason turkey is usually so dry is because the dark meat takes longer than the light meat; by the time the dark meat cooks the juices are all on the outside of the turkey. The way we’re cooking this year is supposed to keep the bird nice and juicy. It also involves something called a “turkey tent,” but I just stopped listening at that point.

So in a few hours we should know whether or not we’ve achieved a turkey triumph or a foul fowl.

Half-Life in 60 seconds:

An interesting advertising approach. Kind of like Red Gold’s trucks.

I can’t wait to get one.

Patriots vs. Colts.

The entire city is buzzing. The news media is making up names and franchise animations promoting their coverage. “It’s a battle of the ages on the gridiron.” “The stage is set for battle of the unbeatens.”

Two teams, each with an amazing record. One winning streak will be snapped this afternoon.

Colts lose = riot downtown.
Colts win = riot downtown.

We’ll all be there. Hopefully no one dies. Hopefully no one goes to jail. Again.

Ridiculous. Everyone knows American’s are getting heavier, all right fatter, and fast. It’s not something you can fight (like global warming, God, or [in the President's case] the Constitution). It’s here and it’s real. I even have an entire folder containing file video of fat people on my edit bench at work.

But that’s not the worst part. We’ve become so fat that as we continue to get larger seats are becoming smaller. I was on a flight the other day from Philadelphia to Indianapolis and was seated next to a gentleman who (how do I say this politely?) spilled over the arm rest on the chair. We’re so fat that many children will miss out on the opportunity, nay the privilege, of having “It’s a small world afterall” stuck in their heads for the rest of their natural lives.

We’re now so fat that Disneyland is shutting down Small World for an entire year to “retool” the ride for heavyset park-goers.

“The problem, quite simply, is that the flume that the boats ride in, and the boats themselves, were designed and built in 1963 on the assumption that the male adult riders would average 175 pounds and the women about 135, which they pretty much did at the time. Alas, those figures are as outdated today as is the Rocket to the Moon ride.”
Link.

“I would like a double quarter pounder, supersized fries and a Diet Coke.” In other news, Americans suck at dieting.