This past weekend my freelance work took me to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for Big East Basketball at Pitt. The forecast for snow and sleet kept me from flying to the gig, and instead had me driving from Indianapolis. I don’t mind. I love driving. Even when a trip from Muncie to Cedar Point (Sandusky, OH) takes me in to Michigan. Go ahead, look it up on Google Maps.

Idiot, right?

Right.

Anyway, the trip this past weekend took me on I-70 through eastern Indiana and all of Ohio. Here are the things I noticed:

• Pennsylvania drivers are either:
  • Crazy fast
  • Crazy slow
• Ohio drivers love the left lane. I mean, they’ll go to the courthouse and marry the thing. 60 MPH in the left lane. Being passed on the right. By trucks. WAKE UP BUCKEYES!
• Indiana drivers with the “In God We Trust” plates are the rudest drivers on the highway. Some of those Christians aren’t very Christian-like. I got cut off by two different drivers with that plate, was tailgated by three other (and note that I drive damn fast, so to tailgate me is impressive) and more than half of them didn’t use their turn signals at all.

So, here are a few tips I would like everyone to remember.

Get out of the left lane! It’s for PASSING not for DRIVING. Aggressive driving would decline significantly if some of you would get that through your heads.

Get in your car and look at your steering wheel. That stick that comes out of the left side? It’s called a “turn signal.” Oddly enough it’s used to signal turns, not just to drive around town with your brights on like you already do. Instead of pulling it towards you, try pushing it up or down, it might take a little bit of force since you haven’t used it ever. If you push it up, it signals a right turn, down signals a left. I know it’s confusing, but I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it eventually.