In news, sometimes the most important or interesting elements of a story are hidden in the middle or even near the end, a practice known as burying the lede. But Lehigh Valley Live had no such problems with this story I came across. The piece was full of amazing content, I absorbed every word.

Their headline didn’t leave a lot to the imagination, though:

Holland Township family angry that supermarket won’t personalize cake for their son

Perhaps a more appropriate headline would have been:

Supermarket refuses to make birthday cake for Adolf Hitler

That could have been their highest rated story of all time!

Oh, and there’s no lying or misleading being done in my version of the title.

The bulk of the story comes down to the fact ShopRite supermarket denied a family’s request to make a birthday cake for their 3-year old son. The priceless part is what ShopRite’s public response was:

“We believe the request … to inscribe a birthday wish to Adolf Hitler is inappropriate,” said Karen Meleta, a ShopRite spokeswoman.

I think they could have taken a stronger approach, and not lost any (or much) business. I mean, are there a lot of people out there who think it is appropriate to wish Hitler a happy birthday? And who would go to a discount grocery store to get a cake for him? I’d want to make sure I really knew the person behind the counter before I asked them to icing that onto a sheet cake.

I guess the only way they could have lost more business is if there are more families in their area who have named their children in a fashion similar to this couple:

• JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell
• Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell
• Adolf Hitler Campbell

Read the full story: Family angry over son’s birthday cake

The AP is reporting from New York:

A New York Police Department spokesman says the actor Heath Ledger has been found dead at a Manhattan residence.

WTF? What does this mean for the future of The Dark Knight?

UPDATE 4:57: From the New York Times City Room

The actor Heath Ledger was found dead this afternoon in an apartment building at 421 Broome Street in SoHo, according to the New York City police. Mr. Ledger was 28.

At 3:31 p.m., a masseuse arrived at Apartment 5A in the building for an appointment with Mr. Ledger, the police said. The masseuse was let in to the home by a housekeeper, who then knocked on the door of Mr. Ledger’s bedroom. When no one answered, the housekeeper and the masseuse opened the bedroom and found Mr. Ledger unconscious. They shook him, but he did not respond. They immediately called the authorities. The police said they did not suspect foul play and said they found pills near body.

UPDATE 5:03: From The Wall Street Journal:

Actor Heath Ledger was found dead Tuesday at a downtown Manhattan residence in what authorities say is a possible drug-related death, the NYPD said. He was 28.

Ridiculous. Everyone knows American’s are getting heavier, all right fatter, and fast. It’s not something you can fight (like global warming, God, or [in the President's case] the Constitution). It’s here and it’s real. I even have an entire folder containing file video of fat people on my edit bench at work.

But that’s not the worst part. We’ve become so fat that as we continue to get larger seats are becoming smaller. I was on a flight the other day from Philadelphia to Indianapolis and was seated next to a gentleman who (how do I say this politely?) spilled over the arm rest on the chair. We’re so fat that many children will miss out on the opportunity, nay the privilege, of having “It’s a small world afterall” stuck in their heads for the rest of their natural lives.

We’re now so fat that Disneyland is shutting down Small World for an entire year to “retool” the ride for heavyset park-goers.

“The problem, quite simply, is that the flume that the boats ride in, and the boats themselves, were designed and built in 1963 on the assumption that the male adult riders would average 175 pounds and the women about 135, which they pretty much did at the time. Alas, those figures are as outdated today as is the Rocket to the Moon ride.”
Link.

“I would like a double quarter pounder, supersized fries and a Diet Coke.” In other news, Americans suck at dieting.

Vice President Dick Cheney will be speaking in Indianapolis later this week. Of course there’s a lot of activity happening here as Metro Police and the Secret Service prepare for his visit.

Vice President Dick Cheney is scheduled to speak before the Indiana American Legion in Indianapolis on Thursday… Cheney is expected to address the war on terror in his Indianapolis speech, but details were not immediately released.
Link: TheIndyChannel.com

Aside from security around the Indiana War Memorial the Vice President has made a peculiar request.

At least now the President will know where Indiana is, and more importantly that it is in the United States.

Breaking news.
Celebrity.
24-hour news networks starved for content.

Roll all of this together with the insatiable thirst for scandal by the American people and you have the downfall of journalism as we know it. Every day a story is “breaking” on FOX News or CNN (or even MSNBC if something happens to fall in their lap), but usually these stories are hours old or have no details.

The cable networks are so concerned with covering breaking news they’ll go on before facts are confirmed and just talk, about nothing with absolutely no information. Apparently sitting at the news desk looking at live pictures or photos does not just give you the power to communicate with millions of people, but also figure out the entire story. Telling me “you can see the police apparently moving in to diffuse this situation” while I’m watching it happen doesn’t tell a damn thing, only that you are as smart as a 3-year-old.

I’ll admit that most news organizations are caught in a Catch-22 when it comes to Infotainment. Why’s that? Everything in this business comes down to ratings, unless your PBS. You have to have eyeballs glued to the screen, so occasionally you have to pander to your audience and cover Anna Nicole’s death as your top story. But too often entertainment news dominates the cable and local news landscape because, “we’re just giving the audience what they want.” Well last time I checked news outlets have editorial discretion. Sometimes it’s better to give the audience what they need to know instead of what they want to know.

Yes, we have breaking developments to tell you about. There’s a heat wave across the United States. No, duh.

Oh wait, it just hit New York. Now it’s news. PANIC!

I know I’m pulling a page from Fark.com, but the news media is heavily focused on New York. And some of it is understandable, it is (in the truest form) the melting pot that America strives to be. Every country and culture in the world is represented in the city that never sleeps, except for cannibals probably. Oh, and space men. They don’t have any of those in New York.

Anywho, so it makes sense that news in New York is a big deal. But not to the point where power outages in most of St. Louis aren’t covered, but a few days later CNN can’t stop talking about how parts of Queens have been without power for a few hours.

But you didn’t come here to read this rant. You came here to laugh. So dance monkey, dance!

Muncie Gras. (Link) What do you know about it? Well, if you know nothing of it, allow me to explain. The great economic forces in the city of Muncie, in desperate need for a positive event for the community, realized that Muncie shares something with a certain great festival held in New Orleans every year. Of course I’m talking about Mardi Gras. “What’s the common thread?” you ask. The “M”, of course. Remember, we’re in Muncie, don’t think too deeply.So, Muncie has a festival that celebrates booze, drunken decisions, and half-naked ugly people. A regular Saturday night here. Except, that many religious individuals and groups have decided to protest the event (Link). They had a prayer vigil Friday night, and plan the same thing tonight. However, I’m not sure if prayer alone will keep the people away.

Apparently, the protesters didn’t hear that “any publicity is good publicity.” Tickets sales are up this year for the event, with more “at-the-door” entrants expected (Link). Local college students, and Munsonians alike, are likely to show up for the event, just to see what it’s about because of all of the controvery surrounding it.

Think about what happened with The Passion of the Christ, or any other movie that has had much debate over content. More people went out to see The Passion just because of the buzz it created among potential viewers.

In preparation for when apes rule the world, according to the Bible known as Planet of the Apes, Dell has decided to move their support operations out of India. The company has cited a desire to move forward, not backwards, upwards, not downwards, and always twirling, twirling, twirling! It was then revealed Dell CEO Michael Dell was hopped up on crack cocaine and was coming down off a four week rubbing-alcohol binge.

Bow before your new technical support…
and master.

But on a much more important note concerning college basketball…

The Big Ten is looking to change the way the Big Ten Tournament is split up. Instead of alternating between Chicago and Indianapolis they hope to pick a permanent venue (for either the next 4 or 8 years) for the tourney. Indy Star. Link.

Delany expects a decision by spring. He said it would be based on input from conference coaches, athletic directors and school presidents, taking into account cost, revenue and location issues.

"We’re fortunate we have great venues, great cities and people who are basketball supporters," Delany said.

"I think Chicago is the biggest city that is most friendly to college sports. I think L.A. and New York are below the fold. Chicago could be above the fold. People in Chicago care about college sports. It’s the third-largest market that really cares about college sports.

"At the same time, Indianapolis has hosted more Final Fours than anyone else. They’ve got the Hoosier commitment to basketball. They’ve got great venues. The hotels are proximate. They both have great selling points."

-Indianapolis Star

Hmmm, I wonder where we’ll be going in 2008 after the current contract (Indy 2006, Chicago 2007) expires?

Guess which state school in Indiana is going to be seeing a drastic decline in partying this up-coming weekend?

An Indiana University student has been hospitalized with meningococcal meningitis. That student attended 2 parties at Indiana State University in Terre Haute this past weekend, one party on Friday night and one party on Saturday night.

The Indiana State Board of Health is recommending that anyone who attended either of those parties be treated with an antibiotic to decrease the chances of catching meningitis.

…

If you attended any parties at ISU this past weekend on Friday or Saturday nights, please go to the health center or contact your private physician immediately for advice.

-E-mail to the entire Ball State campus from Dr. Kent Bullis, BSU Health Center