So there’s a great video that’s made the rounds at work.

We actually stumbled upon Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 2nd Attempt before finding the original video, so that’s how they’re presented here: second one first, first one second.

“Buy a house for the price of a VCR”

“Our main export is crippling depression”

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 2nd Attempt

HASTILY MADE CLEVELAND TOURISM VIDEO

If you’re still more than a little disappointed by the ending to last season’s 24 on FOX, have no fear because Kiefer Sutherland’s next big project already launched in an attempt to help millions.

(NOTE: Let me just say, that I’ve had the link to this Cracked.com article sitting in my inbox since they posted the piece on May 12, 2009.)

Kiefer Sutherland’s Conflict Resolution presentation had me rolling on the floor laughing.

One of my favorite slides has to be “Root causes of conflicts,” though “How many weapons did you see?” prompted a riotous laugh.

The funniest part is how comprehensive the PowerPoint presentation is; you could probably give this at work and not get funny looks for at least a few slides.

See the whole presentation on Cracked.com.

So for the Indianapolis 500 this past weekend, the good folks from Extra graced us with their presence. My department got to help out with production do production for the show.

We shot all of the standups and wraparounds with Mario Lopez, plus an interview with Danica Patrick in her garage.

If you haven’t seen Extra, they open the show with people tossing around a “monitor” playing video of something. For anyone not in television, it’s just a flat piece of wood painted green, with a checkerboard pattern for motion tracking so it can be added later in post-production. They usually have the person toss the board at the camera to finish out the opening. Danica was holding the board, and it was my job to sit right beneath the lens of the camera and catch it as she tossed it to me.

The first throw was a little low, it kind of looked like she tossed it on the ground. Our photographer told her to “throw it a little higher, it’s got to fall.” Boy did she come through. The board made a pretty nice parabolic arc, and came down gracefully, right on top of my head. I was assaulted by Danica Patrick with a piece of green wood.

We did a third take which ended up being a keeper. You can watch the raw video from ExtraTV.com after the jump, and see all the pics we snapped while working with Mario.

So the other day we were flipping through channels and came across Will Smith and Vivica A. Fox staring at an alien spaceship hovering above Los Angeles.

It was Independence Day running on A&E, Smith’s second outing as a lead in a major motion picture (Bad Boys came out the year before).

I’m a big fan of brain rot. The movie was on, I didn’t feel like flipping or checking what we had recorded on the DVR. But it wasn’t complete brain rot because we learned that Commander, now Colonel, Casey (Adam Baldwin from Chuck and Firefly) had a major role as a Major in Independence Day. I didn’t even remember that!

Anyway, there’s a scene where Jeff Goldblum is drunk inside a basement lab at Area 51. He’s complaining about how we’re all going to die because of these aliens. Talk about a pity party (and a sure Buzz Killington). So Goldblum’s yelling at Judd Hirsch about all of this, then trips over a bunch of equipment. We’re probably supposed to the infer the crates are to hold top secret equipment, yet they look like field cases for cameras. Movie magic.

Wait. That might actually be a case to the camera and the gear from the people producing the movie.

Want to know where I got that from?

Read more…

100%.

I am quite possibly the biggest idiot to have purchased a shampoo or haircare product. Ever.

I have a pretty healthy head of hair. Nice and thick. No bald spots. Grows incredibly fast.

So I was out shopping for new shampoo, and a bottle of Suave 2-in-1 caught my eye.

“For thick full hair”

I overlooked the part about “Thickening formula” and that by “for” they meant “use to get” instead of my interpretation of “use on.”

No wonder the check out clerk looked at me like I was an idiot.

Idoit.

I had to literally laugh out loud when I watched this video.

• Did you know that 85% of your prospects will visit your website before contacting you?
• What will happen when they get there? Does your website look professional?
• Do you have video on your website? You have to have video on your website.
• It also give you credibility. Showing visitors that you exist and aren’t another web-only business.

I only have a few points to make about this “professional” “website”:

1. 85% of potential customers visiting your website sounds reasonable. But if your website looks anything like what they’re suggesting it should look like, no one will be coming to your business.
2. When they get there: If they see video and are Digital Natives, they’ll think you’re not professional. If they are Digital Immigrants they’ll think you’re a highly successful company with tons of cash on hand. Know your target demo!
3. You do not have to have video on your website. Many businesses have no reason to have video. VIDEO DOES NOT MAKE YOU SUCCESSFUL!
4. Did you know web-only businesses can make videos too? No shit!

Original here.

I’ve had some fun during my freelance travels. You have to have fun or else being away from home and stressed about a show will really get to you. The fun can come from anything, my personal favorite is sitting in a terminal people-watching. I have heard some absolutely hilarious statements and seen people commit completely stupid acts.

Today is no different… except for the fact that my plane was supposed to leave for Newark at 5:02, and it’s now 5:08.

Apparently Newark is all in a tizzy and stressed because of all the incoming traffic, so the regional flights have been asked to hold for an hour. Apparently, from the road warriors I’ve talked to, this is a very common occurance at EWR on a Friday evening.

So, we’ve all gotten off the aircraft and are back sitting in the terminal. I don’t want to be like these frustrated people I see sitting around me, so I thought I would take this opportunity to blog and share some of the funny things that have happened during my freelance travels this basketball season.

• Flight attendant during safety speech before flight:
  “To operate your seat belt, insert the flat metal tip into the buckle. I’m explaining this in case you haven’t been in a car since 1965.”
• Same flight attendant conversing with me when she came to check on us in the exit row:
  “Are you willing and able to perform these functions as instructed by the crew?”
  “Yes.”
  “Promise me you won’t practice opening the door.”
• The same flight attendant, yet again, on final approach:
  “Please return your seat to its full upright,  locked and most uncomfortable position.”
• Pilot prior to flight from Indianapolis to Cincinnati (lasts about 15 minutes in the air):
  “Folks, this is the Captain. We’re going to keep things short and sweet from the flight deck. We’ll take off, give you a *ding* after 10 minutes, make a turn to the southeast then the south, give you another *ding* and be on the ground 5 minutes later. Enjoy your 25 minutes with us, we know we will.” 
• Pilot on a different flight:
  “Flight time from Indianapolis to Charlotte will be approximately 15 minutes once we’re airborne.”
  [Passengers begin looking around curiously]
  “What’s that? Really? Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, flight time from Indianapolis to Cincinnati will be about 15 minutes. If you’re going to Charlotte, you’re on the wrong plane.”

Note: This does not include watching Mike run through the Norfolk airport with his sandals on his hands because he forgot his cell phone in the rental car and was 5 minutes from missing the flight.

What sort of odd or off-the-wall things have you experienced while traveling?

When you think of The Onion, no doubt fake interviews and hilarious headlines come to mind.

Well, the Onion News Network has now been around for a while, poking fun at television news operations across the country the same way The Onion makes fun of newspapers.

This is the story that could put all of us out of business, watch out for the crude language.

My new favorite website

Is Obama President?

Bars & Tones

From André at Vimeo

Blasting local TV weather coverage

Hilarious and true…

The Bush Game

Throw shoes at the President of the United States of America. Enough said. Link: The Bush Game

WTF Stamp

The best holiday gift this season. Students turn in a test with ridiculously wrong answers? Subordinate can’t tell the difference between “they’re,” “there” and “their?” Friend got drunk, passed out on your couch and is now begging to how something written on him? Then this is the gift for you. Only to be topped by a “STFU” stamp. Link: WTF Stamp

Super Mario 63

Say goodbye to your work day. Someone has created a Super Mario game, entirely in Flash. I can’t stop playing… Link: Super Mario 63

CNN, MSNBC and Fox in symphonic ecstacy

I believe the title says everything you need to know… Link: CNN, MSNBC and Fox in symphonic ecstacy

I was digging through old bookmarks and *.txt files and came across these four things. I thought they’d be worth a second look for me, and a good time-killer for you.

Movie Showtimes Map
http://hurwi.net/map/

The Movie Showtimes Map is extremely helpful if you know what movie you want to see, but have no idea where it’s playing near you. Just type in the ZIP code or address where you are, then select a movie from the list on the left.

Here’s a link to the Indianapolis map.

Shopping Cart Fail

Pretty self-explanatory. If you’re a fan of Fail Blog you’ve no doubt already seen this. If not, enjoy.

ABC Bohemian Rhapsody Music Video

This is really old, well September-old, but very good. It’s basically a clip reel of the then-upcoming 2008 season on ABC, set to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

The Promotions Office

If you’ve ever worked in the News or Promotions/Creative Services department at a television station you’ll see this is reality, not just comedy. This is really how my job goes some days…

DTV: Explained

This is what our viewers are really going through

How to liven up a crowd at church

Is Jesus really Superman? I’ve never seen both of them together

On our trip to the Outer Banks last year, Dan had one of the most amazing devices ever created. In fact, there’s a good chance it wasn’t made by man, but spawned from the hopes and dreams of drunk college students the world over.

The instrument was simply a pair of flip flops, but hidden underneath the flop was a bottle opener. Yes, a bottle opener.

In OBX it was all the rage, we all wanted to use- what basically amounted to Dan’s shoe- the sandal to open our tasty adult beverages.

Well this year, he’s in for it.

I found a device that’s amazing-ness surpasses that of the sandal-disguised bottle opener, the hat-disguised bottle opener.

Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

It’s not really disguised, though. I mean the opener is right out there on the end. In fact, there’s a chance I could put an eye out with that thing, but whatever.

Dangerous. Pointy. Delicious.

Oh well, off to the airport. Got a plane to catch so I can use this thing on the beach tonight.

Sometimes (read: at least twice a week) I walk down to the vending machine for a sugar boost. Usually I go for the Three Musketeers bar, as that’s the only think I’ve found guaranteed not to have melted or gone stale in the delivery truck.

Today I took a closer look at the row beneath my usual destination, and was surprised by their pricing/marketing technique.

For some reason I have a feeling E2 is a lot more popular than E5

A co-worker forwarded this my way the other day, and I’ve found myself giggling about the “Boston Market” line quite frequently.

Ooh Girl – An Honest R&B Song

“Cause I just had a big dinner”
Boston Market
“And I’m struggling with some negative body issues.”