On our trip to the Outer Banks last year, Dan had one of the most amazing devices ever created. In fact, there’s a good chance it wasn’t made by man, but spawned from the hopes and dreams of drunk college students the world over.

The instrument was simply a pair of flip flops, but hidden underneath the flop was a bottle opener. Yes, a bottle opener.

In OBX it was all the rage, we all wanted to use- what basically amounted to Dan’s shoe- the sandal to open our tasty adult beverages.

Well this year, he’s in for it.

I found a device that’s amazing-ness surpasses that of the sandal-disguised bottle opener, the hat-disguised bottle opener.

Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

It’s not really disguised, though. I mean the opener is right out there on the end. In fact, there’s a chance I could put an eye out with that thing, but whatever.

Dangerous. Pointy. Delicious.

Oh well, off to the airport. Got a plane to catch so I can use this thing on the beach tonight.

Sometimes (read: at least twice a week) I walk down to the vending machine for a sugar boost. Usually I go for the Three Musketeers bar, as that’s the only think I’ve found guaranteed not to have melted or gone stale in the delivery truck.

Today I took a closer look at the row beneath my usual destination, and was surprised by their pricing/marketing technique.

For some reason I have a feeling E2 is a lot more popular than E5

A co-worker forwarded this my way the other day, and I’ve found myself giggling about the “Boston Market” line quite frequently.

Ooh Girl – An Honest R&B Song

“Cause I just had a big dinner”
Boston Market
“And I’m struggling with some negative body issues.”

They need to check their map

Last time I looked, Google Maps has that distance as 147 miles. But 10 miles is a decent estimate, I guess.

“Okay, let’s put it on the truck!”

“No, wait. Bring it back! It can’t go out until tomorrow!”

These are the screws that hold my TV together. The TV I haven’t been able to put back together since I moved. Mainly because I’m not smart enough to put the original screws with the TV during a move.

Fair use is an interesting topic within copyright law. During media law classes in college, it was always a conversation starter.

Copyright law protects our property and creations. Movies, books, poems, blog posts, music, blueprints, videos and everything else you can think of are covered.

But there’s a great loophole that lets others use part of your work (and not technically as a derivative work). Fair use. It lets news programs and people poking fun of your work use your work. Keep in mind that satire and parody are two very different things, and I can’t remember which one is protected speech when I’m this many beers deep already.

Anywho, here’s a very helpful (and fun) explanation of fair use using fair use.

Genius. Simply genius.

Earlier this week, I was standing in line at Walgreen’s. While I was waiting, I took a few moments to admire the delicious looking candy, cough syrup and nail clippers that occupy the “impulse buy rack.” All I could think was, “Wow, for some reason I really feel the need to buy a 5-pack of 10 minute VHS tapes.”

That feeling soon passed. Why?

Because of the greatest impulse buy item. Ever.

The Walgreen’s brand One-Step Pregnancy Test.

And not just any pregnancy test. Apparently this one is so good (or bad) you should buy two! I mean, c’mon. Who wouldn’t want to buy more and save? You’re saving $2, hell buy four.

I know that it may sound confusing: just because it’s the Internet and you want to be lazy, that doesn’t mean you should submit comments like this to the station blogs: (I will make fun of you)

i have heard that marissa is pregnant is she if so i think she can really move her body i such asexy way..

Wow. Really?

The only punctuation is a failed attempt at an ellipses, and apparently the “Shift” key was broken and the spacebar occasionally didn’t work.

I think I went to school with someone who wrote like that (granted I was in 2nd grade for the 4th time). I’m joking. Or am I? No, I am. Or not. This joke works much better when you see my face.

This could be my biggest fear as someone who works in broadcast television.

Now, they claim this was supposed to be a recorded segment, and the wrong tease was cued up. Last time I checked, a station like WNBC (which is facing major cutbacks) would be on some sort of automation system. Which means a Media Manager-type would have to ingest the spot, and I’m hoping would catch “what the fuck are you doing?”

It definitely makes for a more exciting newscast, though.

Anyone in television have an opinion on that?

I spent a few hours early last week updating some of our news bumpers. They’re the quick 5 second spots that run between commercials in our newscasts. Most are things like, “Listen to 6 News in your car at 87.7 FM,” “School closings and delays. Get them first on the 6 News ticker during Good Morning Indiana.” Now you know.

I was pretty happy with how they turned out, especially for not taking a full day.

Now to what everyone wants to know, “What caused the Midwest earthquake?”

Well, judging by the switch in the Weather Office, I’d say the Off The Cuff guys or Kevin Gregory are to blame.

When I freelance, I always try to do my best work.

Sometimes it results it compliments, sometimes nothing, but just sometimes it results in SWAG.

That was the case with a series of shows I did this spring. I got a very nice long sleeve shirt out of the deal, but I don’t even know what I did. More importantly, I don’t think they know who I am. Here’s why I think they sent me a XXL shirt:

• He’s from Indiana
  • People from Indiana weigh three times as much as those on the coasts
• Typical sports fan
  • Too much beer and strippers
• Oh shit, we don’t remember him
  • Well, he’s only 24 so this will give him room to grow into it

Another exciting week concluded on Saturday. I was planning to write this (ridiculously short and simple) post from the Indiana State Fairgrounds before our most recent Mecum Auto Auction on HD Theater, but ended up getting distracted by work (silly work).

I must say that the funniest part of the week had to be a trip to the restroom at the Fairgrounds. The auction show took place in the Chicken Coop, and this was the sign on the wall in men’s room.

I don’t know if it’s referring to cows, some weird sexual act, or the bathroom attendants that (by the condition of the bathroom) did not exist. But just so you know, don’t do it in there.

You don’t say? Well she is the perfect celebrity to promote that condition.

When traveling to Peoria, Illinois please remember that women outnumber the men 2:1. The proof is provided by the Peoria Convention Center where there are two women’s restrooms on the same floor, at the same end of the hallway.

Maybe it was just poor planning.

Or maybe you should bring some extra aphrodisiacs?

Being on time while traveling is always important.

It’s even more important when you travel to Peoria, Illinois.

Always make sure you know which way is north, because there Daylight Saving Time springs forward. But when you’re heading west, prepare to fall back.