This one caught me really off-guard the other day.
Usually two or three times a week, I make the treacherous trip down to the basement of the station. There could still be Asbestos lurking in the rafters, I’m not sure. But I do know that I have to go down there. That’s where they hide the candy.
I approached the vending machine. Trembling, I opened my wallet. I think my blood sugar was probably low; I mean I do get excited about Zingers, but not like that.
As I went to browse the bottom row, checking to see if we had Vanilla or Chocolate Zingers this week, I quickly glanced across the chip selection. You never know when you’ll need a bag of chips after the sugar rush is gone. Nothing truly interesting to see, but wait. “Did I just see a Burger King logo?” My eyes darted back to the center of the case. Thinking someone managed to get a Whopper wrapper into the vending machine I had to look. But to my surprise and disgust I saw…
Ketchup & Fries flavored chips from Burger King. Yes, you read it correctly. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
I didn’t even give them a try. And the only reason they got a second and third glance was so that I could grab my camera. That kind of flavor atrocity is on the same level as Steak-flavored ice cream or Long John Silvers.
If you’ve tried them, let me know. But I have a feeling you might be even more sane than me.
Earlier this week, I was standing in line at Walgreen’s. While I was waiting, I took a few moments to admire the delicious looking candy, cough syrup and nail clippers that occupy the “impulse buy rack.” All I could think was, “Wow, for some reason I really feel the need to buy a 5-pack of 10 minute VHS tapes.”
That feeling soon passed. Why?
Because of the greatest impulse buy item. Ever.
The Walgreen’s brand One-Step Pregnancy Test.
And not just any pregnancy test. Apparently this one is so good (or bad) you should buy two! I mean, c’mon. Who wouldn’t want to buy more and save? You’re saving $2, hell buy four.
Working these Mecum Auto Auctions up at the State Fairgrounds, I’ve had a chance to see some amazing cars. Here are just a handful of the ones going up on the block tonight (LIVE on HD Theater at 8:00 pm).
When I freelance, I always try to do my best work.
Sometimes it results it compliments, sometimes nothing, but just sometimes it results in SWAG.
That was the case with a series of shows I did this spring. I got a very nice long sleeve shirt out of the deal, but I don’t even know what I did. More importantly, I don’t think they know who I am. Here’s why I think they sent me a XXL shirt:
- He’s from Indiana
- People from Indiana weigh three times as much as those on the coasts
- Typical sports fan
- Too much beer and strippers
- Oh shit, we don’t remember him
- Well, he’s only 24 so this will give him room to grow into it
Another exciting week concluded on Saturday. I was planning to write this (ridiculously short and simple) post from the Indiana State Fairgrounds before our most recent Mecum Auto Auction on HD Theater, but ended up getting distracted by work (silly work).
I must say that the funniest part of the week had to be a trip to the restroom at the Fairgrounds. The auction show took place in the Chicken Coop, and this was the sign on the wall in men’s room.
I don’t know if it’s referring to cows, some weird sexual act, or the bathroom attendants that (by the condition of the bathroom) did not exist. But just so you know, don’t do it in there.
I drive.
A lot.
We’re not talking about hour long, or even 15 minute long, commutes. But when I work freelance gigs, they tend to be fairly local (within 6 hours). Sometimes that’s just a pointless distance to fly, so I’ll drive. Make a little extra coin for my hassle.
Which is why I wanted to get a new car in the first place.
My old Stratus (Everybody: “I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!”) was a great car. I really enjoyed it, in fact. Sunroof, 4-disc CD changer, major mechanical repairs every 5,000 miles. I started buying it in college, but recently it was turning into a money pit, and I almost owned the whole thing (the last 5 months of loan payments I didn’t get to were for the back fifth of the car).
Blah, blah, blah, new car.
Well, I’ve only had the Impala for about 40 days and I’ve already managed to put 1,000 miles on it! I know you might say, “well that’s average if you figure oil changes every 3 months or 3,000 miles,” but look at Maggie’s Prius, it took her more than three months to get to 1,000 miles!
Oh. Were you expecting more? Nope, that’s it. Just what ran through my head when I looked down at my odometer as I was leaving work. That and how tasty a beer sounded.
You don’t say? Well she is the perfect celebrity to promote that condition.
Ever feel trapped at work?
That’s… sanitary… right?
I washed my hands anyway, but still, how many high schoolers spit in there or something?
Oh and I’ve been asked to mention this: Maggie gave me a quarter of her sandwich (after I had finished a Frisco Melt and double-side of fries). Even though I ate some of her food, I’m not as big a douche as Dan.
When traveling to Peoria, Illinois please remember that women outnumber the men 2:1. The proof is provided by the Peoria Convention Center where there are two women’s restrooms on the same floor, at the same end of the hallway.
Maybe it was just poor planning.
Or maybe you should bring some extra aphrodisiacs?
Being on time while traveling is always important.
It’s even more important when you travel to Peoria, Illinois.
Always make sure you know which way is north, because there Daylight Saving Time springs forward. But when you’re heading west, prepare to fall back.
Today started out as a great day.
Okay, maybe not great, but decent.
Before work, I took care of a bunch of phone calls I had forgotten to return. Mailed my W2′s, receipts and whatnot to my accountant. Completed and mailed the form to change the address on my voter registration to somewhere else. Deposited freelance money. And fed my Starbucks addiction.
Then work rolled around; I finished dubs I’d been putting off, finished four promos in record time and started work on 18 other projects left to be done.
Pretty good day, right? Getting things done, making money; can’t complain about that. Until I went out to my car for dinner:
Scratches. Through the paint. Down to the plastic on the bumper. My new car. The new car I just bought four weeks ago. The car I’m enduring the pain of a BMV visit to register tomorrow. Damn.
Apparently, while pulling out of the spot next to me, another driver dragged the back end of their car across the front of mine. Now they were very kind, offered to pay for the damages in a note they left on my windshield with their phone number and name. Unfortunately, I couldn’t read their name.
So now, a week that was building up to a trip to Michigan this weekend is actually building up to an early BMV visit on Thursday, then a meeting for an estimate on the damage Friday morning. Plus, I have to call the person at some point to figure out what I’m going to do about this situation.
Great.
In my travels, I’ve seen some funny things. Some very funny things. Especially when it comes to gas stations and fast food restaurants along the highway.
Usually it involves a “tooth count” (anything less than 12 is acceptable). However, this situation involved no teeth. There’s always hilarious things to be seen in gas station bathrooms, but this one takes the cake..
I’ve been searching for the “Health and Beauty Section” of that BP for the last 8 weeks and have yet to find it. I figure it has to be somewhere between the corn nuts and the malt liquor.
